Category Archives: Parent Dilemma

It is a 1.35 mile ride back to Town

Posted in Parent Dilemma, Time Management, Work Mom Balance by

MH900227812I did something today, I thought I would never do.  But given the fact that it’s Pay it Forward Day and in light of seeing my fellow Americans pull together during recent events, I did it.

I gave a total stranger a ride into town.

Well, let me clarify.  Not a total stranger, but a sort-of-semi-total stranger.  This person was a young woman who was attending the same class I was for the better part of the morning.  Before class started, she had mentioned in a very Danish sounding voice that she was dropped off to class.  Upon hearing her speak I thought to myself, “how very European” and “how will you return home silly girl.”

At the end of class, my question was answered when she sheepishly, yet politely asked if anyone could drive her the 1.35 mile back into town.  Apparently, walking was her intended mode of transportation and she, in advance, had checked its length ahead of time, in the event, no one would accept her offer.

So in what seemed like moments and moments of silence, I heard myself say, “Sure, I will!”   Instantly, I rationalized the following:

1. I outweigh her by at least 50 pounds so I could easily sit on her and crush her should she try to hurt me.

2. The ride back to town was on heavily traveled streets with speed restrictions of 25 miles per hour.

3. Everyone at the class was witness to this interchange so should anything happen to me, there were plenty of people for the police to interview.

4. I totally just profiled this woman – young, blond, foreign …..harmless.

5. Dam you Facebook for announcing today was National Pay it Forward Day.

As it turned out, this lovely woman was not out to kill, hurt or rob me.  She was a student studying the very same major I had back in the day and was looking to get into the field I was already in.  We did not learn much more about each other because the 1.35 mile ride back into town took no more than five minutes.   We exchanged twitter handles as I left her in town and she kindly thanked me.

I would most likely would not have offered her a ride had she been a male, but I am shocked I did offer.  As I pulled away from outside the University, I thought of how despite my better judgement saying offering rides was dangerous, my instincts were right: she was a nice person.

I hope she pays it forward today and in turn that person will pay it forward and so on and so forth.

Until then, I expect my children will not know of this story until they are privy to this blog and over the age of 18.   So should they read this having matched the previous qualifications, I say to them:

……………. I hope that I have raised you in a way to use and trust your instincts, always make sure there are witnesses ……..and see, Mommy wasn’t so boring after all.

 

Three Ways to Cope with “Binge Activity Syndrome”

Posted in Parent Dilemma, Time Management, Work Mom Balance by

It’s 4pm.  If I leave the office right this moment, I will get to the kid’s school for their late dismissal. 

Shit – there is traffic.  Hopefully this teacher will take pity on me and not yell at me when I walk in late.

Phew! Arrived just in time to pick up my smiling artist children.  “We love this art program Mommy.  Look at what I created.” 

Mental Note – buy another BIG plastic bin from Target to house additional influx of art work that I will have no idea what to do with.

Off in the car we go.  Snacks and drinks consumed as we make it just in time to change for swim and baseball. 

Reach swim in time and rendezvous with the Hubby for child-swap off.

One conference call during practice and respond to emails before off to meet up with Hubby and second child.

Yeah for a base hit – game over and into the car we pile.  It’s time to go home for dinner and bed!

photo(18)For those of you with multiple kids, this routine is common place for you.  In fact, you can coordinate and execute this in your sleep.  However, without fail – there are those who simply shake their head in disgust for being so overbooked and scheduled.  In the times BC (before children), I was one of these head shakers.  But today, I apologize to all those who I mocked.  The fact of the matter is that these days, having kids involved in sports or the arts or community-focused activities takes a committment from both child and parent(s).   And when you have multiple kids, the activities only increase.

As children get older, so does their committment requirement.  Most sports have up to two games and one practice per week.  Have two children both participating in sports or activities and you can have up to six places to be in seven days.  And most often, there is overlap.

Burn-out and scheduling mishaps are bound to happen.  In fact, I have succumb to an illness I like to call, “binge activity syndrome”.  As of today, there is no cure, but we do have a remedy – rule if you will – that helps:

One sport or activity per kid per season and God help you if you try to join anything else!

It works for my family and so I share this with you.  3 Ways to Cope with Binge Activity Syndrome:

  1. Those of you about to embark on the after school activity journey, set up a limit that you can handle without going nuts.
  2. Carpool.  Carpool.  Carpool.   When the children reach around the age of 8, a drop off one way with a fellow parent scheduled for pick up the other way can free up time and hassle.
  3. Write EVERYTHING down.  Put all activity schedules in one calendar along with personal and work commitments and share it with your spouse or helper.  Hubby and I use Google calendar and sync our accounts.  Two sets of eyes are better than one and we have an idea of what is in store in the weeks to come.

Most of all, enjoy the absolute absurdity of it all.  Granted our kids will not be in the major leagues or dancing on broadway or competing in the next Olympics.  But they will gain confidence, friends, determination and lots of memories.  One day – I am sure – we will come home after work to an empty house and have not one activity to drive, carpool or cheer to make.  Serve your time now and just enjoy it!

Facebook Changed Me

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facebook_logoHello.  My name is CC Fowler and I have been a Facebook user since 2006.

I joined shortly after my second child was born and truth be told, I joined to see what old friends I lost touch with were up to.  Once I had found everyone I thought I wanted to find, my usage and purpose for Facebook evolved.  With my curiosity satiated, I began to delete “friends” who clearly were connected to me for the same reasons I was connected to them – to be nosy.  There was no loved lost and it seemed I was not alone in this action.  I was deleted by many a-friends too and quite honestly, it felt good.

But with as many “friends” as I deleted, I gained many more.

My relationship with Facebook again morphed into a phase which clearly mirrored my life at that time.  Deciding the housing market was officially kaput, Hubby and I decided to set our roots and become part of our local community.  And with this move came a new slew of friends – local friends, parents of my children’s friends and neighbors too.  It was the perfect tool to stay connected and keep track of what was cooking locally.  It is still to this day, one my favorite parts of Facebook.

But nothing ever stays the same and yet another phase began to take over.

In 2011, Facebook prompted my alias life of CC Fowler – the blogger.  Why write a status about motherhood or being a mother who freely chose to return to work when I could write a post?   Why not share my experiences with those who were about to embark, were already sharing the ride or just deciding to take this crazy roller coaster of motherhood journey. With that, Centraljerseyworkingmoms was born.  Through this phase of Facebook, I have met and made more “friends” – many of whom I respect and treasure.  In fact, we became friends after we met on Facebook!   Who would have ever thought!  Certainly not me.

Seven years later – 7 years ( I can hardly believe it’s been seven years) – Facebook is a part of my every day life.  I use it to catch up with friends.  I use it for work.  I use it like I use my coffee machine – every day and often.  I can remember approaching the Executive Director of my company suggesting we create a company Facebook page.  It was a rejected idea that eventually was accepted.  Today, I administer six company pages.

Nothing places a smile on my face faster than and old friend sharing a birthday of their parent or the announcement of the birth of a child.  News I would not be privy to if I was not on Facebook.  Sure, there are times (many in fact) where reading a “friend’s” post will send me into a tizzy, but over the years I have come to learn these posts are “friends” trying to communicate who they are (or want us to believe they are) and they have just as much right to enjoy their dose of Facebook as much as I (see the joys of “unfriending” earlier in this post).

Only time will tell how Facebook will impact me – my view of society – others perceptions of me – and my perceptions of others.  But until then, I am CC Fowler and I’m a Facebook user.

Now how about a vague post to draw out a response?

Being “Good” is all the Gift I Need

Posted in Life Lessons, Parent Dilemma, Time Management, Work Mom Balance by

Today, marks the last day of the 7th Anniversary of my 29th Birthday.  Tomorrow, I embark on the 8th Anniversary of my 29th Birthday.

Alright, so I am going to be a 37-year-old person tomorrow.  Big deal.  It’s just a number and according to my son, I still look like a 45-years old so what more could a girl want.

Well, what I really, really, really want this year and every year to come is a gift that monetarily costs nothing and would validate every ounce of who I am.  It was asked of me when I was child and I like to think  I delivered.

Let me explain.

Growing up, I asked my mother what she would like for her birthday.  And each year she would say the same – be good.   I hated this request and would resent my mother for not asking for something like perfume or flowers or jewelry.  It wasn’t until I was much older, with a paying after-school job, that I was able to buy her little things.   I’d like to think in the end, I gave her the gift of “being good” – except for maybe a year or two through my adolescent and college years.

Fast forward to now:  My very own children now ask the same of me.  “Mommy, what would like for your birthday?”

Without a second thought, I simply stated, “Being Good is all the gift I need.”

Shit. No sooner had the words left my lips did I cringe in horror.   Is turning age 37 the year we turn into our mothers?

Well, luckily, my son indicated it’s just not possible to “be good“.

“What if I tell Daddy to buy you a new car?  I don’t want to touch my piggy bank”,  he said.

The truth is, there is really nothing I want other than to know that I am doing a good job raising my children.  I would like to think I am raising decent, caring human beings who will one day be adults who contribute to society in a positive way.

So I changed my approach and asked,  “What about trying to be the best you can be AND some seeds to plant in our garden this coming Spring.”

Little Man seemed to like this idea. He said he would get Daddy to buy seeds and promised to be the best he could be……”but please remind me because I will forget.”

So on the cusp of turning another year older, I look forward to what life will bring and hope that I can be a good enough Mother to have good kids.

…Oh and as for what my Mother is currently asking for – Gift certificates to restaurants, clothing stores, spas and Broadway Plays.    Apparently, she is making up for lost time.

…Oh and to my husband who may be reading this – this post doesn’t really apply to you.  I really really really really want to go to London.

 

One Company Does Not Dictate the Future of “Working From Home”

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“I think it’s difficult for a culture to transition from being reliant on in-person interactions to being just as effective in a distributed fashion — it’s something you can’t do halfway, and the change has to come from the very top. Just because Yahoo can’t do it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with being distributed.” – Matt Mullenweg, Automatic

photoOver the past few days, all of my news feeds have been cluttered with Marissa Mayer’s decision to put an end to “working from home.”  I will be honest in sharing with you that while I was very disappointed, I was not shocked.  A woman who is able to return to the office just after two weeks giving birth, Mayer is a hard-core, no joke woman.  Hell, at two weeks I was one hot mess of nipple confusion, soreness and an utter mess of tears.

I hesitated to comment on this story until I had time to really digest Mayer’s actions.   And it wasn’t until I came across an NPR article that quoted Matt Mullenweg (Genius and head of this very platform, WordPress) that I realized something very important.

Just because one company (albeit a major company) decides to put an end to telecommuting, it doesn’t or shouldn’t dictate the future of working from home.  There are many companies that thrive on this arrangement and there will be many more companies that will will offer telecommuting – in the right working environment.

Let me be clear – working from home DOES NOT apply to every job, career or function in the office.  It’s obvious, that your child’s pediatrician needs to be in the office to see your child when he is sick.  However, a programmer or accountant or me – marketing – can very well accomplish work from their desk at home – if they have a suitable work space.

I have worked one to two days a week from home for the past eight years.  In those eight years, my children were both with me as infants, babies, toddlers and then kids.  It was near impossible to get work accomplished while they were awake, but I worked feverishly when I could and learned to really be focused throughout the day.  I sat my babies in front of Baby Einstein and took conference calls in the next room (sometimes bathrooms too).  I knew the working arrangement was a blessing and I was determined to work harder to prove my worth.

Today, working from home is privilidge that I dare not take for granted.  Both of my children are now in school full time and I sit at my desk focused and getting a healthy portion of the week’s work accomplished in those two days than the three days I am in the office.

And I get it – I get what Mayer is saying.  She is trying to piece together a company that really needs help.  I am not sure I would do away completely with working from home.  I believe that will tamper with employee morale, but I do agree that there needs to be a physical presence where employees can share, create and thrive.  I find the social interaction with my co-workers really enhances my work and productivity.

I am sure this is not the last of this debate and all eyes will be focused into Yahoo.  Hold on Marissa Mayer.  I do not envy you.